Thoughts have been in my brain these past few weeks. Thoughts of freedom, security, love, promises, joy, and how messed up it seems I can be. Nothing bad mind you, I'm just stating the obvious. We all know, every single one of us struggles and we can all admit to thinking that we are just messed up. Somedays it gets a hold of me, moreso than others. Somedays I seem to see every flaw and every bad habit that needs fixing. It gets so frustrating to me. My errors seem to come in every shape or size. Some are going to take a long time to overcome, some probably only need a few minor changes to get rid of, but for whatever size they may be it doesn't distinguish the quantity of my problems. It's just overwhelming. I see these flaws and I just want them gone, I want them rid of, I want Freedom from them. As a Christian, it's easy to get caught up in the whole "I shouldn't have these problems, I should have freedom in Christ". That is precisely the thoughts I have been struggling with these past few weeks.
I've been hearing things how Christians underestimate the power Jesus has, how He has given us the same power to help people, to help us. It gets me thinking, just when will we see this evident in our own lives? I know God has promised me Freedom but yet I daily struggle to keep on top of my addictions. One slip too many could potentially lead me places I have long tried to forget. Temptations are still there, I still can't have certain foods around, I can't look at my weakness and feel, "I've got this under control". Every day is a fight for me.
I asked a pastor about these questions and he gave me a wise reply. "There is no magic wand, no magic pill to take, to eliminate our problems" Oh how I wish it was that easy. For some God can completely wipe away sin in peoples lives in a heartbeat, but for most of us, he chooses to help us get rid of them and overcome them. He said, everyday is a process, every morning we need to wake up and die to ourselves, sacrifice our wants for what God wants, take things one step at a time. It sounds depressing but yet completely true. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses...
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20
We just need to trust that God has got our back. He died for us to be free, why wouldn't he carry it out to completion? Especially when we are ready, willing, and asking for this amazing freedom to take place in our lives. God has been working on me a lot regarding my eating habits, my emotional well being, my past, forgiveness and so much more. It's just seems so hard because I can only see so much at a time. What seems like very little or no progress to me could mean milestones for God. In the end, I know God will carry out his promise to me, He will grant me my freedom. Another thing I have to remember, I am still human. I am still living on Earth. Complete freedom will not take place until that glorious day when I get to see my Jesus face to face. That hug will be a hug I'll never want to let go.