It seems to me that everyday we are tempted, tried, and tested. I've been struggling with this myself. It's not very easy. A lot of times I wonder if freedom will ever come. It's at this point where everything you do is critical. Things you are addicted to, things that you love, that are wrong and not good for you are showing their lovely scheming little face any chance it can get. It's a really hard place because you love God, you really do, but you also love your addiction. After all it's been there for you, it's helped you "get over" things, it's made you feel secure, it's never talked back to you, it's been the best friend you've ever had.
But I've come to realize some of those aren't even true. It can't help you get over things, your only stuffing them, stuffing them for a day when your inner volcano erupts or so much bitterness and anger engrosses you to the point where life just sucks. No glass is ever half full. Your will to live is at stake. It may have been there for you when you needed it but only to comfort you into a lull form of guilt and not freedom. It may have made you feel secure for those few seconds or minutes you let your self indulge in your secret guilty passion, but the moment passes. You're left alone again, alone to face those same trials over and over again, leading you to only want more of your addiction of choice. It may have been your best friend you've ever had because you've never known any friend that could be better. You haven't had the chance to experience what true friendship is.
So here we, having been introduced to an unfathomable God who's love for you is so immeasurable, so pure, so amazing. A God who's thoughts about you measure more than the grains of sand on the earth. A God who has great plans for you, plans that are better than any plan you'll ever imagine. You've come to love Him. But now we're facing an even bigger challenge. We have to choose between God and our addiction. God wants all of you, He has his loving hands outstretched to you, waiting for you. But your addiction. How can you give up on it so easy? You've known this addiction all your life, you've grown to be comfortable around it and it's surroundings. It's made you feel so good, but... only for a moment.
You've come to the decision. You want God, You want Jesus, You want Freedom! You want eternal happiness and joy! But your addiction doesn't give up that easy. It finds ways to pick at you, shows up at the perfect most vulnerable times, it never lets your forget your indulging sinful pleasures. You just want to be happy. You've found the One who can make you happy, yet you still find yourself wanting what was once comfortable for you.
There's no easy answer for this dilemma. Only one that I have found. Daily we have to surrender, daily we have to sacrifice our wants for our True Love. When you love someone, I mean really love someone, you'll do anything for that person, anything to please that person even when it comes to giving up what you LOVE so your love can blossom and grow with your chosen Lord. It's so hard, harder than anything you'll have to do in your life. I can only encourage you, be your friend, and to be honest, I am going through this very thing right now. Keep trying my friend. Keep fighting for the One you Love, your Lord, your Father, your Savior, your Jesus! He'll be there for you every step of the way, show you friendship that is so amazing and far beyond any friendship you can comprehend. Oh how I wish there was some magic wand to wave, a magic pill to take to take this all away. I've wished this for myself so many times. Keep strong my friend. Hold your head up high, your loving Savior WILL get you out of this, no matter how deep you think you've gone. He WILL get you out of this! He WILL.