I've been hearing a lot about faith recently and I am finding that it is not a coincidence. It all started a couple weeks ago when Pastor Andrew preached on Sunday. I'm not sure I remember all that he preached, but one thing I still have not gotten over was when he said, "I don't believe God answers prayers, I really don't. I believe God answers FAITH." I have not been able to forget that for some reason. It wasn't until later that I figured out why. Faith has also made it's way upon countless conversations as well, leaving me no choice not to forget about it.
One day, I met with my accountability partner and she said it to me straight (straight from God), I was having a hard time trying to figure out why I'm still dealing with my eating disorder and why it was so hard for me to give up. She told me, "Kelley, you are dooming yourself to failure because every time you start something you already know you are going to fail. You have no faith you are going to get out of this." I kind of pushed it aside at first, and automatically spitted out, "Yes I do!" After quick consideration, I realized I don't. I've spent all my life with this eating disorder, 23 years at failing with this. After countless of start up diets, I've already ingrained in my mind, I'm going to fail. Sure, I'll lose some pounds. Sure, I'll maybe even lose half a person in weight, but every time... I have gained it all back and more.
I've realized why God has been putting faith in my daily conversations, and why what Pastor Andrew said has stuck with me. I've been praying and praying and praying... praying and praying even more that I get freed from this. Some days I've come to the point of just bawling my head of to God begging Him to make it all go away. I've finally realized, sure I want freedom, but I'm not believing its going to happen. After all, 23 years of never seeing it happen can do a lot to you. But not today. I am making a stand right now. I choose to have FAITH I WILL GET OUT OF THIS.
The bible stories all show, God healed someone when that person had faith that he/she would get healed. Like the woman who had internal bleeding. She had so much faith that she crawled through crowds of people just to touch... to touch the hem of His garment. She knew within her heart of hearts that if she could just touch Him, she would be healed. She never doubted for one second. Not to mention the courage she had. Back in those days, being sick was a social menace! No healthy person wanted to touch, be near you, or even make eye contact with you. She had to go through all these people who were probably rejecting her right and left. But... she knew she if she could just touch Him, she would be healed. She did, she was healed. Her faith healed her. Even Jesus said that. There are countless of stories of which God healed people who had faith.
I also want to make note, praying is not bad. Praying is a good thing! God hears your prayers and wants to listen to your concerns. But sometimes, we just need to have a little bit more faith. After all, we pray for miracles, but miracles are things that happen out of the ordinary. Things we don't see everyday, things that go above and beyond our expectations. That is precisely why we need faith! Faith is believing the unseen, and not just that, believing it will happen, not maybe it will happen.
Boy, what a radical revelation! God is so amazing, isn't he? Someday I WILL get out of this. And man, have my eating habits changed since this started! I've noticed night and day differences. GOD IS HERE! AND HE IS WORKING!!!!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH!