Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Home Sick... Again.

I just got to work at about 10:30 AM this morning.  I got the 24 hour stomach bug yesterday afternoon.  I knew something was up because anything I thought about eating for lunch, made me sick.  By 2:00 I was pretty naucious and weak.  Augh.  I made it to the end of the work day (4:30) but it got progressively worse once I got home.  I had 3 comforters on me and I was having severe chills for more than 3 hours.  I must have had a low fever as well.  I felt the heat radiating from my ears.  Anyway.  Something must not have settled right when I ate breakfast yesterday as I ended up seeing it again around 8:30 PM that night.  :(

Regardless, I stayed home this morning.  I feel slightly better but I was still extremely weak when I woke up.  It took all the effort I had to take a shower.  I ended up calling it in.  I'm feeling better even now so I decided to make my treck to work a few hours late.  So, here I am!

I was able to eat some crackers this morning and its staying there! So that's even better! My stomach was growling pretty loudly this morning since it hasn't ate anything in a day. 

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Not A Sound

Morning, daylight is peaking through the window shades. I realize it's time, time for me to get up. Slowly I take off the covers and shuffle to the bathroom. I can hear the creaks of the floor boards as I pass by. The wood is cold on my toes. I hear the faintest noise in the distance. I wonder who it could be? A door shuts as my name is being called, "Kelley?"

All is well, Its just my uncle. Minutes pass by as he mentions his car is stuck just outside the neighbors yard. A little while later after my dear uncle's car has been free'd from the frozen snow, I head off to work.

My head begins to mutter, "What are you doing, Kelley? Why are you going to work?"
The dull debate in my mind begins to take over, "But I should atleast try!" I responded, knowing full well the roads would be horrible to drive on.

I quickly shove off all thoughts in my mind and focus on the several inches of pure white snow beneath my wheels. I safely make it to main road as relief takes over my body upon the sight of little black tar trails peaking through the bland white snowy roads. The road has been plowed!

30 minutes later, I venture in to the parking lot of my work. Something is different, something is weird. As my car peaks upon the hill in the parking lot, I notice something. As my eyes begin to take in the surroundings... Its....empty!   I am taken aback by the pure eeriness of the vast amount of spaces to park. I tell myself as I venture through the stillness, "It's going to be a long day."

Even still, I press on. I park my tired and cold car to the closest parking spot I could find. There were too many spots to choose from. Eventually I decide.

"Here goes nothing" I thought as I open my driver side door. Upon the first seconds of my door being ajar, the bitter cold sweeps across the inside of the car sending chills down my spine. I quickly pull my coat around tighter across my waist. The first steps towards the building are normal, towards the 3rd step, I stop. Snow is still falling, But there was nothing, no creature was stirring, not even a mouse! I could have heard a pin drop. "Eerie, Eerie" begins to splash in my mind. I keep walking and taking in the every moment as snow still falls on my nose and eyelashes.

I hurriedly open the door to the building, swipe my badge, and open another door.

"Good morning!" I say to the security guards. They smile and wave back.
"At least there is someone here today, " I think to myself.

As I swipe my badge again to enter into the office area, I walk towards the elevators and push the arrow to go up. The elevator was not very busy today so it opened the second I pressed the button. I take a few steps in and press #4.

10 seconds later, the door opens. The sudden familiarity upon view of the 4th floor overwhelms me as I take my steps toward my cubicle. Upon settling in, and stashing my purse in a locked drawer, I walk to the break room for some sugar-free hot chocolate. The only familiar sound I heard was the humming of the heater as it tries to steady the temperature in the environment. Walking past my fellow co-workers cubes, I notice something. They are all.... empty! I walk around even further and notice not one person. This shouldn't surprise me considering the lack of cars out front, but I couldn't get over the intense sense of loneliness.

I walk back to my desk satisfactorily after grabbing my hot chocolate. I stir it with my spoon and slowly sip the liquid as it enters into my body. The warmth from the drink slowly starts to thaw out my fingers. The purplish color begins to drain from my fingernails. Sip. Swallow, Sip, Swallow. Steam rises.  The routine becomes evident as I type my story to you. The soft pitter patter sounds begin to fill the air as my finger tips gently tap the plastic keys on the keyboard. A familiar sound once again. Slowly as the minutes pass by, I realize it's only just begun.

What happens next surprises me, a sudden movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention. A wild bear! Just down the hallway! Standing on his hind legs as he begins to roar!

"Roarrr!!! Roarrrrr!!"

The sound of screams fill up my vocal box for cry's for help! But no one is around to help me! The bear darts across the hallway towards me.

"Runnn!!!!!" my mind screams at me. I'm too slow! The bear is catching up! I can't shake him! I frantically run away towards anything that might put distance between me and my enemy. I open the door to the stairs as fear has already enveloped my body. My body is weak, it's not strong enough. I turn around to see the bear is now with in attacking range of me.

"Ahh!" I scream as my left foot catches on the cement stairs and I tumble all the way down. I black out from the intense blow to my head and the fear from the bear as he jumps at me to attack.

Suddenly I wake up. I pear around noticing I am safe in my cubicle. I check my body to see if their were any wounds. Nothing. It was just a dream. I had fallen asleep at work. Hot chocolate spilled everywhere. It's still too quiet. Again, I tell myself upon walking to the break room for napkins, "It's going to be a long day."

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Polar Express

I think that the Polar Express is one of those movies that I just can not watch.  Maybe I am crazy, I probably am, but that movie bugs me to no end.  I'll tell you why. 

I hope that by saying this, I don't sound like a typical "critical christian." If I do, you'll have to forgive me.  :)

The main reason why, to put it bluntly is I don't believe in santa clause and I believe with all my heart in Jesus Christ.  For me, it hurts me to see that kids are believing in something that isn't real, will never be real, will never be a belief that can truly help them, and makes them forget the true meaning of Christmas.  This whole movie is about believing in santa clause, normally I can handle that but with this movie, if you replace the words Santa Clause with Jesus Christ, you have a movie that basically shows the principles of Christianity.  This is soooo hard to explain. 

Take for instance here, this is a quote from the movie, "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."  That is soooo true if we say it in reference to Jesus, but they are saying it about santa clause.

Here is another quote from the movie.  This is such a powerful statement as well, its a reason why some choose to not believe in Jesus. (again this is in reference to santa clause)

Hobo: What exactly is... is your persuasion on the Big Man, since you brought him up?
The Boy: Well, I... I want to believe... but...
Hobo: But you don't want to be bamboozled. You don't want to be led down the primrose path! You don't want to be conned or duped. Have the wool pulled over your eyes. Hoodwinked! You don't want to be taken for a ride. Railroaded!
[Hobo puts out fire with the joe]
Hobo: Seeing is believing. Am I right?

To me, Jesus is just so important and valuable to our daily existence that to try and persuade someone into believing into something false and take away from God just hurts me. 

Maybe I am just looking at this in the wrong perspective.  Maybe I need to look at it as a movie that has a lot of Christian principles and references.  Who knows? My mind is open to exploration, but its not open to believing in santa clause.  :D

Anybody have any thoughts on this, I would love to see them! Leave a comment. 

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That

Well you've got me at 3:06 on a Friday afternoon the week before Christmas.  Yes, you've guessed correctly.  I am bored.  So what do I do to kill time? write in my blog!! You're following along very nicely! good job! :) haha!

Anyways. So I am racking my brain trying to figure out something to write about but sadly nothing is coming to mind.  :( Well something will come eventually.  I might just have to ramble on and on for a few minutes before something comes to me....

Hey! It worked!

Change. I want to talk about change.  I think so often times in life, we get caught up in this pattern.  A pattern where everyday is the same thing, you wake up, get to work or school, eat your 3 meals a day, go home, you start recogonizing the same vehicles on your commute, do some evening activities like church, go to bed and start the day all over again.  I think that sounds very...mechanical. I know there are those that are quite afraid of change, you never know what to expect.  But for me it's a different story.  I yearn for change.  I used to be the type of girl where my body would get so tired sleeping in the same position in my room, that I would actually lay there for hours wide awake until I finally got up and flipped my bed around.  Within minutes, I'd be sleeping soundly.  I haven't seen it so much lately, maybe that's because I change my room around so often as it is and I am just ahead of the game. 

I see change in two ways, the good change, and there is bad change.  Bad change obviously is not good for you, things that are often times out of your control and harmful to you.  But I see a lot of good change in our daily lives.  I think what has been happening to me these past few weeks; I was getting so bored because I was seeing hardly any good change in my life.  It seemed like God was distant, I wasn't learning anything, I got caught up in the same daily routine, I wasn't taking really any steps to want to learn something either.  I wasn't reading my bible, I wasn't praying as much, I was starting face more temptation.  I quickly was noticing my old self starting to pop up in me.  (bad change!!) Well I'm not out of the woods yet, I've read my bible once but that isn't going to cut it.  I have to be continuous. 

I was at PTO (Church Life Group) last night and a few of us girls stayed behind to talk about some girl stuff.  My friend was telling a story of something that recently has been happening in her life.  I was so excited for what God has been doing in her life.  Her story is amazing! I also started to feel a tad bit sad, mainly for me, because I realized how I was yearning for God to be working on my life as well.  You don't realize what your missing till its gone! It's so true! I was also admiring her for being so open to her mentors as well.  She's a very smart gal! She has a few Christian mentors to talk to when she really needs help with something.  I noticed I don't really have that as well.  I have an accountability partner but I haven't been keeping in touch with her recently.  So there I go back to stuffing things inside again.  I have no outlet, just inlets :) That right there is a major part to why my past has been starting to creep up on me. 

Listening to her story also made me realize that I tend to push God away.  I guess I put my trust in the wrong things and don' trust the things I should be trusting.  I get so caught up in God for a while and things are going well, but then I must get scared or something, and I start to retreat.  I fail to remember that God IS perfect! He can't do anything wrong! It's not possible for Him sin.  So why don't I trust him?

So there you have it, I'm just an ordinary girl with ordinary problems.  I'm not perfect, I have faults.  But I must keep trying.  Freedom comes with a cost. Dying to yourself is the only way to gain the ultimate freedom.  Everyday I have to give up what I want, and take what God wants because, He actually knows what I need and wants that for me. 

I think I may have strayed away from the change subject....Sorry about that! ANYway! :)

I think that about wraps it up for me at the moment.  I'm sure I'll get bored again and write more. 

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Ladies and Gentleman!! I did it! I read my bible last night! And it was well worth it! Hehe!

I was so tempted to just play games on my iPod last night before going to bed, but then I started thinking about my bible, and how I am putting God second and my iPod first. I started to think about the story in the bible where this man wanted to become Jesus’ disciple but wanted to do a few things at home quick before he followed Him. I started to think about how I am cheating God by not spending time with Him, and most of all how I am hurting Him by wanting to play a silly game verses time with my Savior. So I put the iPod down and I read the bible!!! ... on my iPod :)

I have a concordance application on my iPod, since my book version had a little water accident, I only have a concordance on my iPod now.  Anyways, so I opened it up and was looking at all the words and searched under the almost first word that came up, "Abba". 3 verses came up. (I'm sure there is actually more than that but this is not a full concordance)

I will list them for you...

"And he said, Abba, Father, all things [are] possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt." - Mark 14:36 KJV

"For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." - Romans 8:15 KJV

"And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father." - Galatians 4:6 KJV

I liked these verses so much that I tapped the next option, "display by chapter" and I read each chapter that these verses came from. I absolutely loved it. Romans 8 happens to be one of my favorite chapters in the whole book of the bible. Galatians 4 spoke volumes to me by showing how much fatherly love my God really does have for me. Finally, Mark 14 was a good refresher about the story of Jesus. Albeit this was KJV so it was a little harder to comprehend but it was still good. :) YAY GOD! :)

I'll try to keep this a continuous pattern again!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tank is on "E"

Lately, with the whole traffic congestion (previous blog) halting life events, I have to say life has been really tough, more-so boring. It's made me think, I'll give it that! Thoughts of comparison between my life now and the life I had at Mercy Ministries, or thoughts to decide what is holding me back at this moment, thoughts of how to move forward and get past this stage. I've found a few thoughts that I think are worth the effort of trying to see if they'll work. :)

I think now, I've gotten a tad lazy. I can definitely use the excuse that I have been sick this whole past week and a half. That will at least take care of a part of lazy tendencies these past few weeks :) But the other parts are definitely at the 100% fault of me. I haven't worked out in a little while, and I haven't read my bible in a while, I haven't really deeply prayed to God in a while, etc... you get the point. Through out this "leisure" time, I've noticed fighting the spiritual battle against my own flesh is more and more a tiring effort-filled motion. It's getting harder and taking a lot out of me. Again, this is entirely at the fault of me. I think a lot of times I just want to be a Christian and not take on the Christian responsibilities of the day-to-day life. How does that work??? well... In all honesty, it DOESN'T. I need my fill up of God in order to get through the day, in order to learn all that He has to teach me.

I see the analogy of my own personal tank of gas that needs to be kept full at all times. If it doesn't get filled with God, than it will get filled with something else. I.E. Laziness, craving's, past addictions, nervousness, stress, impatience and all that stuff. Well with the less and less of God I receive the more and more ungodly things I fill up on. It's kind of funny because as I am typing this out I am actually sorting out my thoughts! Now hopefully I can muster up the little bit of strength I have left and read my BIBLE! Augh... wow that seems like so much effort it's not even funny. But I know I have to do it. With out the life of God's words flowing through me, I will quickly see myself fall more and more into my past that I have been trying to get away from.

"Lord God, Please give me the strength I need!"

Well, I'm going to try this out! I'll write back to determine my progress! I'm so ready to get out of this plateau stage!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Push The Play Button, Please!!

Life, as fun as it may be, is so confusing! I feel like I am at the point where life has come to a roaring halt and I'm just standing there looking at the exact same surroundings day after day.  This moment is bound to happen and, I'm 100% sure it's going to happen again.  I feel like I am in a traffic jam on a major interstate.  You are crawling a long around 10-15 miles per hour, get a few moments to get to 30, and Bam! you've come to a complete stop.  Eventually you start crawling again, crawling and more crawling to the point where traffic loosens up more and more and eventually you are back doing the speed limit at 65 mph.  Patience is a necessary thing! I'm afraid I have only a little. 

It's hard when you've got a glimpse of life at the speed limit and then have to come to a complete stop and sit there for a while.  You see how fast you are moving, and your anticipation roars wildly as you realize that your destination is getting closer and closer! To come to a complete stop, means your goal/destinations is delayed. Then if your me, you pout. I'm talking sticking out my bottom lip with those sad puppy eye's and everything!  :) Haha!

So for now, I guess I'll just have to be satisfied and learn more patience.  I'm not seeing traffic let up any time soon.  I suppose I better look into what God has me stopped for, there must be something I'm missing.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I Believe!

Last night was not a good one to say the least.  I woke up with that feeling you get when a cold is coming on.  There are those few little symptoms that give you a warning signal before the cold becomes full-blown.  I prayed it off immediately, because this is not a good time to be sick!! My church's big Christmas Production is starting this week! Both Friday and Sunday for the next two weeks! Not to mention we have dress rehearsals Wednesday and Thursday to go through final run-throughs. 

I didn't really feel anything the rest of the day but around 4:00 PM after arriving home from my sister's house, things just got progressively worse.  My whole body just felt like I was recovering from being hit by a bus! Every muscle ached severely with any movement I seemed to have made.  I thought at first it was because I did a thorough work out the day before. It wasn't.  That may have helped aid the pain but it wasn't the cause. 

With in a couple hours more symptoms were popping up.  Next the a sharp headache, body chills/twitches, fever with constant heat radiating from my head and neck, frozen hands and feet, swollen tonsils, tender eyes, and all that good stuff.  I was praying hard again and just a little nervous thinking about the concert coming up and being so sick.  I thought of Mama Gina's words of wisdom back in Mercy Ministries, "Take your Vitamin C!" So I started fumbling around my room trying to find the bottle I knew I had somewhere.  Found them! But they were expired back in 2008! ... Well, I get nervous around expired things so I called my mother to ask if it was still okay to take them.  She was busy so I didn't get my answer. 

Around 7:30 PM I was just ready to call it a night and tried my hardest to see if I could go to bed.  I laid there for a couple hours and tried using some of my tactics to fall asleep. Still wide awake, around 9:20 my mother called me back.  I told her what was going on and she felt lead to pray with me, and she also assured me it was still okay to take the Vitamin C :) It was just the weirdest thing though after that prayer.  I really felt like it hit home and my body was receiving it! I just really felt something! It was short lived and after hanging up the phone I finally fell asleep about an hour later. 

The next morning I felt waaaaay better! I'm still a little tender in the neck area and have a few coughs here and there, but man is there a difference! I'm still not 100% but I bet I'll be pretty close as Wednesday's rehearsal come to start! YAY GOD!! :)

Man is God is good! I know I can't thank Him enough for what He has done for me, and especially the miracle He performed overnight, but I want to give Him as much praise as I can.  He deserves it! I'm just amazed by Him right now!

Friday, December 4, 2009


It's at almost freezer temperature here in Minnesota, a cool, crisp 18 degree's with snow flurries.  And It's taken a lot for me to warm up! Especially now that I have no winter coat this year.  I stuck my hands under the faucet and turned the nozzle all the way to the left for ultimate heat! Nice temperature shock! Right now I am sipping 2 cups of hot sugar free cocoa while I write to you at work.  It's starting to thaw me out!

This winter will be an unpredictable one I believe.  And not having a winter coat will make it all the better! I have to say, even though keeping warm will be a problem, I think the snow is beautiful! But all the while, I hope I get close parking spots at work so my time outside will be limited!! :) Haha!

Keep warm all you northern states!!! :) And make sure you thank God for heat!! I know I am!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Relieved Beyond Measure!

Well ever since God has been dealing with me on my pride issue, I've been noticing more and more examples of pride in my life.  I'd say one area where I can be extremely prideful is with my voice.  You get to become someone else for those few moments in time and get applauded graciously at the end. You get lots of people who come up to you and say what a beautiful job I did and how lovely my voice is.  Very very flattering, I admit! But it's not me who deserves the credit! It entirely goes to God! He's the one who gave me the privilege of having a voice.  And for me to take that glory from Him? That wouldn't be good.

I'm so relieved as God gave me a break through this past week dealing with pride! As you probably have heard I have this Christmas Production at my church that I am involved with.  Needless to say there were a lot of solo's to audition for.  God chose this specific time as a perfect time to work on pride! (good timing, eh?)   There was one solo I had my eye on.  I wanted it.  I started getting prideful and it took all that was within me to curve those thoughts away and replace them with humbling thoughts.  God helped me through it though! I give him the glory for that! It was working though.  I started thinking about all the other people who have amazing voice around me and want that solo as well.  I started to imagine their voices in that song.  There was one girl I knew would be a perfect fit.  Anyways the names were called out for the solo opportunities, when it got to the solo I tried out for... Another girls name was said.  You would have thought I would have been bummed or something.  But as sure as I stand here today, I was RELIEVED! I felt so relieved! I was so happy for the other girl who got the solo.  (And it happened to be the girl in whom I thought her voice would fit perfectly for the solo!)  HAHA! I love it.  Growing is so fun once you actually see your growth!

Well it did dawn on me that I wouldn't get a solo this year and needless to say this did kind of bum me a little bit.  But God decided to bless me a little bit...  In which you'll have to attend the concert to find out what it is!! Mwahahaha! :) Okay just kidding God did give me a perfect little "add in" for a song.  Not quite a solo but it's something! And I could never be happier.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Looking for Roommate/Apartment

Hey Everyone!

I am looking to move, I need somewhere to stay that is cheap as I can't afford much.  So if you know of anyone who is looking for a roommate and the rent is cheap! Give me a holler!

Thank you so much!

P.S Preferrably in the Minneapolis/St.Paul Area :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving Day everyone! I hope everyone is doing well on this very thankful day. 

I am hanging out in Sioux Falls with my parents, my sister, her husband and son.  We're having a great time watching ice scating on TV and we just finished eating a slice of Melissa's Pumpkin Pie with cinnamon ice cream on the side. 

I'm thankful for everyone and for everyday that my God has given me.  Thank you to my family for all the support you've given me and to all my friends who have been such a help to me. 

And most of all, Thank you to my Father, God.  With out you I couldn't even live right now.  You've blessed me beyond messure. 

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Death And The Thoughts That Go With

Lately it seems that more and more bad news has just erupt everywhere. It's got me really thinking, mainly about death and the power of healing that God has given us. It seems that more and more people are just becoming sick and are going to die. Two of my friends have just recently passed away due to cancer. There are more and more bad news everywhere especially with members from my own church family. To me it's got me confused. We've been praying and praying for these people for so long and we pray for healing for them but no healing seems to come. They eventually are eaten away from the morbid disease and their life is brutally taken from them. Another one of my friends has recently been hospitalized due to complications of Pneumonia (description in the previous post). I received an email last night that the outlook is not looking good and they are not sure he will make it through the night. (I haven't heard of his outlook today yet) This makes me extremely sad. The whole church has been praying for him to get better since we first heard of his hospitalization 2 weeks ago. This leads me to thinking, "Why is it that no one seems to get healed anymore? Why was it that in the bible God healed all those people around them and when He left for heaven, He gave us that same power to heal people but yet no one seems to be receiving that healing?" There's plenty more questions that arise as well. After all, God did say we have that authority to cast out demons and heal the sick. Maybe it's just me or the place I am in, but I don't see that anywhere. These thoughts have also brought me back to a story in the bible where the disciples couldn't seem to send the demon out of a boy so they brought him to Jesus. Jesus of course was able to do it in a heartbeat. The disciples then asked, "How come we weren't able to do that?" Jesus then replied, "Because you have no faith." Is this true now-a-days? Do we really have no faith anymore? I think it must be. Is it really that unfathomable to us that someone dying with cancer can be completely restored through Jesus Christ? I've thought I've had faith. I believe it can happen. After all, Jesus has done it before so He can do it again. There must be a really fine line between faith and not having faith I think. I've believe we are also to submit to God and know that whatever happens, God has a plan for us, that good will come out of the bad. So we are faced with the decision to submit to God and have faith that God knows what He is doing and that His will should be done in this circumstance. But isn't Faith believing 100% that the unbelievable WILL happen? And if Faith and Jesus are the only ingredients we need to provide miracles, how are we supposed to believe that the event will happen and yet fully as well believe that God may have a different plan and allow the other circumstance to happen? I don't know if I am making sense or not. But these questions have been juggling around in my mind for the past few weeks now. Maybe one of you have might have the inspiration to share what your thoughts are? Please do so if you feel lead. I'm always curious to see what other may think. 

On a much lighter note.  If I don't get to before hand, I wish you all a very merry happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Urgent Prayer Request For A Friend!

I have a friend in whom I really would like to ask your prayer requests for.  He's critically ill and has been in intesive care now for 2 weeks.  He has Pnuemonia very bad and as a result ended up with Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.  They may have found blood clots in his legs due to the lack of inactivity.   He's being sedated to allow his body to heal and also has a ventilator to pump 100% pure oxygen in his lungs.  I believe he is not ready to go to heaven yet.  I believe he will be healed.  If you guys could take the time to just pray for him it would be much appreciated by his whole family and friends.

If you want to take a look at his Caring Bridge website, I've attached the link below. 

God is our Healer! All things are possible with Him!!! Remember what Jesus said? If we have faith as small as a mustard seed we can move mountains!! Please believe in his healing with me today!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! May you all be blessed!


God Will Make a Way

Another song but I just love the words to this.  It's so vital that we remember this message.

God will make a way,

Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today.

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way

Monday, November 23, 2009

My Prayer Request

Well it's the Holidays, and it is officially the WORST 2 months for "morbidly obese" people who have/had the Binge Eating Disorder.  It's the time of year where deserts are present everywhere you look, candy is around every corner, endless amounts of pie's and cookies.  The temptations, I admit are strong and often times very enticing.  I admit as well that I am nervous.  2 years ago at this time of year I was shoving cookies in my mouth every second I possibly could without getting caught.  Last year I was a Mercy Resident, although I was home for Christmas I didn't do bad for the self-control part! But here, this year.  I am on my own.  I won't be going back to Mercy in a couple weeks where someone will ask me how I "did" over the holidays.  This year it's just me and God.  And God see's EVERYthing. 

I love these Holidays! They mean so much to me, but they also are a huge testing period for me.  If you think about me, I could sure use some prayer over the next few weeks.  There seems to be so much need and I know your prayer list are probably already 10 pages long sometimes, so I totally understand if you don't.  I won't know anyways :) haha!  But please pray that God will give me the courage, strength, self control, and the encouragement needed to pass these trial periods with an A+ grade! I'll take a B too but I'm aiming high.  :)

Friday, November 20, 2009

Consuming Fire Fan Into Flame, A Passion For Your Name

This is my prayer, my plea....

Made popular by: Hillsong

There must be more than this,

O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Choosing Not To Worry!

Oh it's just plain crazy all the things in this world we can get so worried about! How you are going to pay your next bill? How you are going to get groceries with only $10 to last you till your next pay day that's a week away?  You can worry about your life, your finances, your family, friends, job, if you'll even have one in a couple weeks because of all the lay-offs going around.  You can worry about if your car is going to make it for another 10,000 miles.  Worry is EVERYWHERE.  You look around and sometimes you can just see the look on people's faces and know that they are worrying about something.

Well it's hard but we technically are not suppose to worry...about anything! It's one of the toughest things in the world! How can a person who has $10 in their bank account supposedly buy food and a tank of gas? How can we look at all of these things that mathematically don't add up and we are suppose to have faith that it will work out?

One of my favorite passages in the bible is:

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" - Matthew 6:26 (NIV)


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

I personally like this verse in the NLT version:

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done" (NLT)

So here we have it.  God is telling us literally NOT to worry... about anything! Because He loves us so much and will see to it that our needs are met. Again I say, that is sooo hard.  Looking at my checkbook balance worries me, but if I just let it go and know that God will supply my every need, I have no reason to doubt God. Has there ever been a reason to doubt Him before? He's never done anything wrong...ever!

Just remember (and I am telling my self this), that there ALWAYS is light at the end of the tunnel, whether you see it or not.  Besides, God owns everything! from the earth, to the universe, the surrounding stars, planets, and even every piece of silver, gold, diamonds and jewels.  I think if we need a little loan once in while, I doubt it would even make a scratch in His bank account.   He just loves to bless us.  We just have to trust in Him and have faith that we are more valuable then the birds of the air and that God will help us get through our situation.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Special Thanks

As you probably...well hopefully you know! that it is Veteran's Day! I personally have two brothers in the Air Force. So Happy Veterans Day to them! (by the way if you get the chance, please pray for them. Their names are Ryan and Nate).

Ryan and his wife, Liesl, on their wedding day in South Africa

Ryan has been over to Iraq 3 times since his enlistment 8 years ago. Each time in Iraq, it was roughly about 6-8 months of deployment. This last one was the hardest on him because he had to leave his pregnant wife at home. He was itching to get home! The poor guy! But now he is back and from what I've heard, for the last time. They had a beautiful baby girl named Ryelie just over 2 months ago that Ryan was able to be home for. I can't wait to see my new little niece! you see, Ryan and his wife Liesl are stationed in Mildenhal, England. It's quite the trek away I must say. I'll be able to see her and them in April where they'll be in the states for a month! Oh goody!! I can't wait! But anyways, I just want to say a special thanks to my brother Ryan, for serving our country, for being just a great person and brother. I also want to say a BIG necessary thank you to Liesl, who has stood by him even while he was thousands of miles away, She's had to endure 2 of the 3 deployments with out him. (she didn't know him on the first one) But again, Thank you for being a great sister! I can't wait to spend oodles of time together when you come to the states! Us ladies and Mel are going to have some good sister bonding time! :)

Nate on the left, Ryan on the right.

Well, I can't leave Nate out now can I? Haha! :) Nathan has been in the Air force for 5 years I believe. He's currently stationed in Georgia. He hasn't been deployed to Iraq but he has been shipped to places such as Djibouti, Africa and Korea. Just recently my brother texted me and said there is a possibility he might get deployed again but he never responded back when I asked "where?" It sounds like it may be slim, but with the Air Force you never really know what they are thinking, both of my brothers have said, "They own me, the second you sign the papers, you are owned by the Air Force." With that you one just never knows. I'm praying it won't be Iraq. Nate just got married in September to a lovely woman named Vanessa. She's is such a sweetheart. I give them my thanks as well. You both have been of great service to our country, Thank you for all you do!

Nate and his wife Vanessa on their wedding day in Florida

I also want to thank my cousin Chris who is in the Air Force as well serving in Italy. Miss you tons buddy!

And to all of the other men and woman who are out there serving or have served, YOU are GREAT! Thank you so much for helping keep this country a free country. You all have your own stories that make you unique and special. Without your kindness and servant hood, we couldn't be where we are today. I have such respect for you. If I could shake your hand, I would.

Many blessings out there to my readers and all the veteran's out there! I pray God will keep you all safe and well.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bye Bye Phone!

I decided to give up my internet on my phone.  Sadly though in giving up the internet, I also have to give up my lovely mini hand held computer like smartphone... It's a sad day today.  I am greiving my lovely free $350 phone.  May it rest in peace and forgive me for abandonment issues I have caused it....

My dear departed phone...

Thanks to Mel! I have free wi-fi on my iPod Touch! So I can still access the internet sometimes if I hook up to someone's internet or go to Caribou! Hallelujah!

Monday, November 9, 2009

This Weekend

This weekend, I was blessed beyond words. I kind of feel a pinge of guilt though. I'll explain.

My parents came up this weekend and we all went downtown on Saturday. It was fun, a lot of fun. But for me, my mind was not in the right place. We happened to be talking about some of the new technology that people were having, regarding new laptops, iMac's, iPod Touch, Phones, and all the other stuff I seem to drool over. For me, I love technology, but I have never had to money to actually have all that good stuff. My Dad came up showing off his new laptop and I can honestly say I felt envious. I used to have a laptop but it was used and extremely old and out of date. The screen had to be moved back and forth in order the light to come on. Eventually the laptop pretty much broke. The only thing it is good for now is solitaire. Thankfully my uncle is letting me borrow his laptop for the time being. I just was thinking, "Dang, this stinks. How is it that everyone in my family is getting new laptops, iMac's, iPod Touch's, and I have nothing. This has actually happened twice now. The first round was a few years ago, everyone got new laptops in my family, but me. That's when I got that old laptop my other uncle gave me. I am so thankful for that laptop but we all knew it wasn't going to last that long. Anyways... I started to get in that mindset that I wanted one of those but I have absolutely no money to get one. I knew the thinking was wrong. I tried very hard to get rid of those thoughts. I was apologizing again to God, and even apologizing ahead of time because I knew the thoughts would come back. I've been looking at this material stuff now for quite a while, and bringing my selfish requests to God hoping He would fulfill it. (at least I think it is selfish)

Well man was I blown away. After Saturday was winding down and we were all at my sister's home talking and just relaxing. My sister gives me a box that was wrapped. It said, "To Kell, Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday, and thanks for babysitting Wesley (her son)" Inside was a brand new iPod Touch! I think inside I was just so confused! They had been trying to sell it because they already have one and they received this one for free when they purchased their iMac. They actually offered it to me for a good deal but I was looking at my bank account and I had absolutely no money nor will I for awhile because of upcoming bills. I turned it down and was bummed again. But here they GIVE it to me! I was feeling really guilty for those thoughts and I couldn't believe God wanted to bless me with one after being so selfish and envious. Who knows, but I do know. I love it. The iPod is AMAZING.

So I just want give a big thank you to Melissa and Cory Weirauch, you completely surprised me! Thank you so much for the iPod Touch!

Friday, November 6, 2009


This has been an amazing week.  Accomplishing a lot, learning a lot, and all that good stuff.  Well lately as you may have seen in my past blogs, the Lord has been dealing with me a lot about pride.  And Man! May I say, God is not relenting on working this out! It almost feels like I am starting a new job, you know? I am following my manager around as he shows me what has to be done and how it needs to be done.  I just stand next to him as he shows me and try my best to take it all in.  It's crazy!  Well He must be testing me now.  He keeps bringing in more opportunities to act upon all that I have learned.  I have NO idea what His plans are and or what He is doing! But I do know, just stand back and let the master work!  (which is not entirely easy I might add!)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Guard Your Heart

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."
-Proverbs 4:23-24

I was reading the proverbs of the day and saw those two verses. Although I have heard them many times before, but I just love them. There is another verse that I can't seem to find right now that just speaks volumes to me. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Our hearts are critical to our everyday lives. Not only the obvious, that it keeps our blood pumping so we can stay alive, but also because our hearts define who we are as a person. What ever so a man thinks, so is he. Whatever ill thought we think towards a person, will eventually come out in the open. It's kind of scary to think about really. I know lately, I've been dealing a lot with pride, and this is a big area concerning that. If I start to judge a person and think I am better than that person, then I will continue to keep thinking that. There's got to be a stop somewhere. It leads us to back to Proverbs 4:23, guard your heart! It is so important! If we choose to let things in or let things take over and empower us that are not good for us, we will act upon them.  Take for instance; watching movies where they show a good amount of sex scenes, that stuff gets into you. You've just openly let those scenes into your heart. You may not act upon them, at least right away. But, if you get enough of it, pretty soon it's going to be more tempting than you can bear. Now obviously this is in reference to sex when it's used improperly. When it's in the boundaries of marriage it's obviously allowed. :)

How do we guard our hearts you may ask. Well I decided to do a search on with the key words "guard your heart" and this verse popped up.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:7

So there we have it! The peace of God will guard our hearts! Now THAT is comforting! We just have to allow it, we need to let God in so He can do His work in us. The more God we have in our lives, the less room there is for sin.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pride Comes Before The Fall

Yup, Pride... It's a very big thing. Sometimes our own pride just constantly gets in the way of everything that God has for you. Pride is the very thing that makes you think that everything in the world revolves around you and that you are better than everyone around you, because, "oh! They did that! My gosh! How could they? "I" know "I" would never do that, "I" am so more Christian than they are".  Now we know each one of has thought that at some point, maybe not to that extreme, but in any case, pride is still pride in any shape or form. It is still a sin, a sin that separates us from God. And the thing about pride, since we are so caught up in ourselves, it's often time very hard to get out of.

Don't let that discourage you, because I have to the good news as well. God is STILL God, and He can do anything! He'll help you out of it, He'll show you the compassion you need to see people through God's eyes. To see that every person you come into contact with is hurting in some way, the sins that they do are not any different then the sins that you do.

There maybe different types of sin, but no sin ranks higher or lower then the other in God's book. If you have one sin, just one sin, no matter the sin, on your record, you are technically supposed to be sent to Hell. Thankfully though, God sent his son Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins, so we now have the option of being washed by His blood and making us white as snow.

With Pride, I'll be honest, I deal with it, I deal with a lot of pride. God has not failed to address that to me. I see it everywhere sometimes. I tend to put my self on that "pedestal" and look down on certain people. Thankfully God has put several speed bumps in my path so I was knocked down. It's only then that I can see just how prideful I am.

I'm working on it, working with God to help me. He definitely is a life saver to me! Just recently God was telling me that I need to open up to more people. He was saying that he has put several people in my path for me to talk with but I have so much pride that I don't want to let people know I am struggling with something. I keep thinking I can do this on my own.

At Church last Sunday, we had a message that just shook me. I felt like I was getting nailed to the heart every second of that sermon. It was talking straight to me. I knew immediately I needed to let someone know, I needed to talk with someone. I needed to take a stand against my pride. At the end of the service, I did. I was able to have a heart to heart conversation with a great woman of God. She gave me the words and encouragement that I needed. In the end she spoke words to me that were so on target that your mind goes nuts! I took that first initial step, now; it can only get better from here. I love it when God works on me. Although I admit, it's quite painful, but once He's finished with the construction, you'll be brand new. I can't WAIT until my construction is done!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

My Little Miracle!

Last night I went to the movies with a friend. We actually stopped at Target quick to get a birthday present for my cousin who is turning one. It was dark outside and I was driving in the parking lot to find a spot to park. I found one, but saw a better one straight ahead and decided to pull through. I was forgetting the most important thing, which is to look because I would need to cut across an isle to get to the other parking spot. As I was pulling ahead, I can swear to you today, I felt such a strong impression, almost verbal word cut through my mind, "Look." I remembered instantly that I should look to see if there was a car coming down the isle.

Low and behold there was! A young lady driving and would have T-Boned me in the parking lot on the drivers side if I hadn't heard that voice with that one word telling me to look. Isn't that crazy! I immediately stopped and waved at her and she drove off. I was praising God in my head because I know He just saved me from what could have been a huge accident. I or that girl could have been royally hurt. My friend was in the passenger side and I told her! I said God told me to look!! God told me to look! She isn't a Christian so she was probably just like, "cool" but I felt just so thankful and amazed that God just did that!

My little miracle! My gosh! GOD IS SO GOOD! He WILL protect you! Thank you Jesus!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Decisions, Decisions, & More Decisions!

It never ceases to amaze me how much decisions one person has in a day. We have the decision to wake up in the morning, to go to work or school, to turn left or right on the road to get us somewhere, actually stop at the stop sign or kind of peak to see if anyone is coming and glide on through, (Oh come on! You know you've at least thought about it!), or we're faced with the critical decisions that bring us to be who we have become today.

I find it sooooooo hard to make a decision, not so much the little ones that happen every day but those bigger ones that could either be disastrous or the best thing for you. I don't know why it's so hard, maybe it's out of fear? Maybe it's out of insecurity, maybe it's something else entirely. But whatever it is, it's probably kind of nice to have so that you at least think about the decision at hand and not carelessly make a choice and end up somewhere totally wrong.

For me, I'll be completely honest with you, I think I get scared because I don't know if it is what God wants me to do. A lot of times when I have that choice at hand for me to make, I'll ask God but I really just can't figure out what it is that He is saying to me. I know that God has this complete and perfect plan for my life, but how am I suppose to know what that is? It's like a game of clue! Was it Mrs. Scarlet with the rope in the conservatory? or was it Mr. Plumb with the revolver in the Library? Well we may not be trying to find out a murder case, but we are trying to find out what God has planned for us and how to get there.

I honestly don't know. All I know is that I can not take things into my own hands and in my own timing. If God was by chance to let you know what you are going to be "when you grow up", Let's say God said that He wants you to be another Billy Graham. You have a great passion to do so, so you get so excited! You wait a little bit, a little bit more, and pretty soon your getting anxious and more anxious as time slowly seems to pass you by. Well, you get tired of it and begin to go to Bible school and you start talking to church's so to preach at them. Things start going wrong and you'll all a sudden feel that God maybe backed out on His plan for you. Well He didn't, He still wants you to become the next Billy Graham but it wasn't the time yet, We didn't wait upon the Lord and wait for our Leaders command to move forward.

I know you will never see a man on the front lines waiting to fight in battle start marching out there alone because he was too impatient to wait for the Captain's command! He'd probably regret that decision in a few minutes when he is dead! NOT saying you are going to die or anything! Just using this as an example. 

It's hard, It's very hard. Decisions are not easy. In the end, just lean on the Lord, He won't let you down, even when it seems He is silent and unresponsive. He ALWAYS has an answer to your prayers.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Blessed and Amazed

This past Sunday was so amazing. Again I was blessed to be a part of the worship team, and to add to the mix it happened to be baptism Sunday! Those, in my opinion are the best services! My church, (Cedar Valley Church) has a way of making baptism's so worshipful, and celebrative. It's hard to describe really but the way they baptize people makes you just want to praise and shout out to God in thanks and awe!

What we do is, we have the tank in the loft in front of everyone. We have everyone stand up in a line and they can say a few words. Afterwards they go in the back and get ready to get baptized while the church starts their worship time. The greatest thing, is while the church is worshiping and still getting over the fresh testimonies just mentioned, they are getting baptized as they sing to God! We have a traditional song that we sing for all baptism services and it never fails to make us weak at the knee's and praise God. The song is "This is How we Overcome" You might recognize it this way, here's part of the chorus:

"You have turned
My mourning into dancing!
You have turned
My sorrow into joy!"

Most people don't have this part in but there is a bridge that tags along that makes the baptism's so powerful:

"This is how we overcome, This is how we overcome!"

And they repeat that several times! I love it! As people are come back up from the water, the whole church explodes in cheers and clapping. You just can't help but smile and jump for joy!

For me this Sunday was even more special, because the last time we had a baptismal service, I was baptized. I know how important it is and the memories are fresh in my mind. It was such a privilege to be able to stand up there giving thanks to God with all my heart while amazing people where taking their stand of faith saying, "I believe!" behind me! I felt the presence of God so strong that morning it was unbelievable. I can assure you, all Glory was given to God that Sunday. He deserves all of our praise.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Fear and Deceit

Fear is such a powerful thing. At this point in my life I've come across decisions that are just so hard to figure out which one is best for me. I rely on the Lord but sometimes it feels as though the answers aren't going to come. Sometimes you are just standing there alone (even though I know I am not alone). When it comes to those moments where God seems silent, what do we do? In this instance, Fear overpowers you because you freak out about the decision at hand and have absolutely no clue as to which possibility is the correct one.

I was told at Mercy that sometimes God lets us choose and He'll let you know if you made the correct or incorrect choice. I think I am living out that statement right now. It's surprising to me the deceitful tactics the devil will pull on you just to get you in the wrong. Even though I know that the devil is going to try anything and everything to get us away from true happiness with Jesus but sometimes it seems his way of tricking us just get lower and lower on the totem pole! This last one is a shocker to me but it probably shouldn't be.

Faced with the decision in front of me, I shook uncontrollably and felt sick to my stomach last night that I couldn't sleep. I was praying and praying to God trying to sort all this out. Eventually I repeated comforting verses to my self out loud to calm me. Most were from my God's Creative Power (GCP) from Mercy Ministries. I was surprised I still had some of those memorized after it being month's since I've visited that technique.

In the end, I am just so thankful that God is there even at midnight when everyone else is sleeping. I am just so thankful that I can call out to Him when no one else is available. Although I still do not have the answers to my dilemma, or yet fully understand all that is going on I do know this, God is still GOD and one who loves me so much, and He is BIGGER than any problem I will ever face.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

First Sunday of Worship Team

I have been so blessed to be able to take part in the tremendous tremendous opportunity  of being a part of the worship team at my church.  So blessed! I am loving every moment of it.  God totally gave me this opportunity even when I totally messed up on the auditions! 

Last Sunday was my first experience being on the worship team.  It's so nice to be able to use the gift God has given me.  What I love most about it is that I get to enjoy both services! So I get the benefit of singing old worship songs and hymns during the first service (which I really miss sometimes!), and enjoy contemporary worship with today's songs during the second service. 

It's definitely a learning experience as worshiping by yourself when no one is watching is entirely different then worshiping on a stage in front of everyone!  I was fighting the battle in my head about how to worship which in turn made it harder to worship! I was able to just let go and give it to God, thankfully! Needless to say I have a God who's going to help me. He got me on the worship team and I'll bet he's going to help me be a worshiper on the worship team a well! *wink*  : )

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Faithful God

These past few weeks have been a tough one, mainly because of financial reasons.  I've been able to keep steady since I have been out of Mercy Ministries but all my bills seemed to come at once and it left me with hardly any money.  I've not been as worried as I thought I would be surprisingly!

I'm not going to go and shower you with details but needless to say even when I had hardly any money, I gave it to God and said, "I'll trust you Lord! God I have no money for gas to get to work and my tank is empty, please Lord help me during this time." 

You know what? I made it! Miraculously! I was able to pump out some money for gas, miraculously I was able to eat my three meals a day.  GOD WILL PROVIDE!! He knows what His children needs! Even if you have to be poor for a few weeks (and worse for some people) Through all this, God will not let you down.  God is so faithful! I just want to thank Him all my days for all He has done!

I Want to Leave a Legacy

With all the things in the news today regarding the Gosselins, the "Balloon Boy" family, and many other things, I can't help but wonder, what made them snap? Why is being known and famous, even if it is in the negative spotlight, so important to people? They are definitely leaving a legacy but not the kind of legacy I would want to leave behind. When these people pass away they are only going to be known for "the most public and brutal divorce" or "Lied about son drifting away in a balloon so he could get on a reality TV show" Who would want to be known for that?

What we do here on earth is so very important, regardless of our spiritual background or lack there of, or level of education, or anything else the differentiates us. Our time here is very limited, although it may seem like an eternity being on earth for 80 years (give or take a few) or so but it's really not. I used to have a T-shirt that said, "Live your life so the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral" It's funny! but yet oddly true! We often times don't even think about that!

Our life here on earth has such an importance. We are role-models to other individuals that are all around us. Regardless of who you know or who you don't know, you ARE being watched. I know that sounds creepy but people are always looking at other people to see how they run their life, especially in the growing adolescence stage when anything someone does is crucial to how that child matures.

I do realize that often times the bad sticks way out and is way more interesting then the good. You hardly see much people noted for the good life they've led. But in the end that doesn't matter, It's who've you've touched while you were alive that matters! People are hurting, people are suffering, people need any kind of kindness they can get! Why put salt on their wound? If you want to be known for being selfish, be the kind of selfish that thinks, "I want to help people because it makes me feel better!" Haha! The benefits far outweigh the negative!

I just encourage everyone reading this portion of the blog to just think about the kind of legacy you are leaving behind? What are you going to be known for? Are you satisfied with that? Be all you can be! because God said He created you to be GREAT! And we all know, God's words do NOT return void!

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Day After Tomorrow

I just watched a great movie this past weekend. It's called The Day After Tomorrow starring Dennis Quaid. While I was watching the movie I noticed a very good revelation!

In the movie, ... "Spoiler alert! If you haven't watched the movie I highly suggest you watch it and then read this :) I might give it away." ... The main character is Jack Hall (Dennis Quaid) who is a climatologist who works for the government. With this type of job, Jack tours the world researching different climates. His latest adventure was observing the Glaciers in Antarctica. A downside to having this sort of job, Jack is away from his wife and son for months at a time. Jack's son, Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal) as a result was very bitter towards his father.

During this movie, global warming finally has caught up with us and the climate is trying to readjust its self by creating a series of massive storms; the major storm being a hurricane like blizzard dropping 15 feet of snow and a typhoon of water from the melting glaciers flooding New York. If people tried to go outside to escape it, they would more than likely die.  Sam Hall happened to be caught in the middle of the storm/flood in New York and had little hopes of surviving. Jack decided to go after his son to try to rescue him. He end's up walking a hefty way through the storm for days.

There was one part that got me. During Jack's travel to New York on foot to save his son, he was having a conversation with his friend (who went with him) saying how he regrets not being there for his son and wishes he could go back to correct his mistakes he made with his son. He has a total change of heart during this movie and now wants to do anything he can to salvage his relationship with Sam. In the end, Jack does make it to his son and was able to send for back up to pick them up once the storm subsided. I was thinking about that moment as Jack was regretting his past mistakes with his son and it came to me, that through Jack's mistakes he was able to have the experience of being a climatologist and knew how to travel on foot through storms. Because of this experience he was able to save his son in the end. In other words: Jack, if he had spent time more time with Sam while he was growing up, probably would not have been able to have the job he had, so therefore he would have lacked the experience to save his son during his most perilous moment.

It's so amazing that God can use our mistakes and turn them around for good.  This is true in real life. God does do this for us! In our lives, everyone has mistakes or past addictions that they are ashamed of.  Don't Be! Use your past to make your future even better! Use your past to help people! With out your past, you would not be who you are today.  Who knows the kind of things God can do with your past! And with God's unlimited amount of connections, He can do an unlimited amount of amazing things from your past! Embrace who you are and who God has made you.  Don't be afraid of your past, use it to change the world!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Day in a Life...

I find myself more tired and tired these days. But I can not say I don't like it. :) Since I have been back from Mercy Ministries, One of my main objectives was to get more involved and not be so bored at home where temptation easily comes. Well, I jumped right in to anything that I thought I would enjoy. I am absolutely loving it. I didn't even really have to jump in on some of the things. The opportunity just arrived at my door step. I thank God for those! As a result my body is now trying to adjust.

You see, before Mercy I was a very lonely depressed girl. I often would just go to work, go home and sit around watching movies, and stuffing my self full of food. Every day it was the same routine. I was always too afraid to join in on activities fearing that people would think ill of me because I was overweight. I was always afraid that people wouldn't accept me or I would mess up royally and they would all just give me a look of disapproval and reject me. It got so bad that even if I was eating my sandwich for supper (like a normal person would do) and someone walked by I would hide it quick so that people wouldn't see me eating. I just knew if someone saw me eating that they would think, "Oh there's that fat girl stuffing her face again, Geez! Does she ever stop eating?!" Trapped! is what I was! Trapped in my own fear. Oh Boy!!! Am I glad I am out of that rut! Typing this just gives me a reminder of how far God has gotten me. THANK YOU LORD!!! Anyways... back to my story. Well, After Mercy, totally opposite. It's truly amazing how God has changed me. I am hardly ever home, I don't live based on what people think of me. Albeit the thoughts pop up every so often but through God I can overcome them. They are less frequent and less influencing. I am bought and paid for by the Blood of Jesus Christ. AMEN! It's about time I start living in that freedom!

So coming from doing absolutely nothing to having a full schedule, my body is just like... "what's in the world is going on?" But it will adjust. Our bodies are made to. :) Don't get me wrong it's not like every minute of the day is taken. I am definitely allowing some relaxing time. It's usually on Saturdays. I've learned it's also not healthy to be a highly stressed volcano living off Caffeine to get through the day! Haha! The only time I drink coffee is to keep warm because well... I live in Minnesota and its FREEZING COLD right now. My poor fingers are usually tinted purple. I think it's time to invest in gloves, don't you think?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


The meaning of this drawing is very significant to me. This is only a part of the actual drawing but I wanted you to see the details: the hole in His hand, the look on His face, the grasping of the girls hand. I love this drawing because it reminds me everyday that God is there. I love it because when I am in my deepest turmoil through out the day I can look at this drawing and see that God is there for me to comfort me, hug me, cry with me in my deepest need.

I got the inspiration one day to draw this during a worship time at Mercy Ministries that was normally not in our schedule. We had the room dark with a CD playing in the background with beautiful worship songs. I am one of those people where I can tend to loose focus after a bit but I had stayed in that room for a while. We had the option of leaving whenever we wanted. I was just trying my hardest to praise God and thank Him for everything he had done. I wanted to make sure that I would not waste this time we have been given to worship our Heavenly Father. This image popped in my head. It stayed there for a while. I knew immediately that I needed to draw it. So I spent the next time I had available and drew it. I am not sure if it has comforted anyone as much as it has comforted me but every time I look at this picture I just feel His love. I am one of those people who yearns for God to hug me physically. I know I won't be able to get that till I get to heaven and this has just given me what I need till then.

I just want you to focus on Jesus’ face. If the picture is grainy it may be hard to tell but Jesus has the slightest hint of a smile on His face. This also give's me great comfort because I know that God LOVES to be there for us! Or better yet, He LOVES US! He loves me! He loves you! I can tell you that God thoroughly enjoys every moment He gets with us, He enjoys it when we come to Him at our weakest of moments and rest in His almighty presence. The kind of presence that can make everything better, the kind of presences that comforts.

Fast Forward 3 Years!

Wait... Is it really you? Yes, my friends and followers. It is me. I am back.  I have been continually reminded about my blog I used to upda...