Saturday, October 31, 2009

My Little Miracle!

Last night I went to the movies with a friend. We actually stopped at Target quick to get a birthday present for my cousin who is turning one. It was dark outside and I was driving in the parking lot to find a spot to park. I found one, but saw a better one straight ahead and decided to pull through. I was forgetting the most important thing, which is to look because I would need to cut across an isle to get to the other parking spot. As I was pulling ahead, I can swear to you today, I felt such a strong impression, almost verbal word cut through my mind, "Look." I remembered instantly that I should look to see if there was a car coming down the isle.

Low and behold there was! A young lady driving and would have T-Boned me in the parking lot on the drivers side if I hadn't heard that voice with that one word telling me to look. Isn't that crazy! I immediately stopped and waved at her and she drove off. I was praising God in my head because I know He just saved me from what could have been a huge accident. I or that girl could have been royally hurt. My friend was in the passenger side and I told her! I said God told me to look!! God told me to look! She isn't a Christian so she was probably just like, "cool" but I felt just so thankful and amazed that God just did that!

My little miracle! My gosh! GOD IS SO GOOD! He WILL protect you! Thank you Jesus!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Decisions, Decisions, & More Decisions!

It never ceases to amaze me how much decisions one person has in a day. We have the decision to wake up in the morning, to go to work or school, to turn left or right on the road to get us somewhere, actually stop at the stop sign or kind of peak to see if anyone is coming and glide on through, (Oh come on! You know you've at least thought about it!), or we're faced with the critical decisions that bring us to be who we have become today.

I find it sooooooo hard to make a decision, not so much the little ones that happen every day but those bigger ones that could either be disastrous or the best thing for you. I don't know why it's so hard, maybe it's out of fear? Maybe it's out of insecurity, maybe it's something else entirely. But whatever it is, it's probably kind of nice to have so that you at least think about the decision at hand and not carelessly make a choice and end up somewhere totally wrong.

For me, I'll be completely honest with you, I think I get scared because I don't know if it is what God wants me to do. A lot of times when I have that choice at hand for me to make, I'll ask God but I really just can't figure out what it is that He is saying to me. I know that God has this complete and perfect plan for my life, but how am I suppose to know what that is? It's like a game of clue! Was it Mrs. Scarlet with the rope in the conservatory? or was it Mr. Plumb with the revolver in the Library? Well we may not be trying to find out a murder case, but we are trying to find out what God has planned for us and how to get there.

I honestly don't know. All I know is that I can not take things into my own hands and in my own timing. If God was by chance to let you know what you are going to be "when you grow up", Let's say God said that He wants you to be another Billy Graham. You have a great passion to do so, so you get so excited! You wait a little bit, a little bit more, and pretty soon your getting anxious and more anxious as time slowly seems to pass you by. Well, you get tired of it and begin to go to Bible school and you start talking to church's so to preach at them. Things start going wrong and you'll all a sudden feel that God maybe backed out on His plan for you. Well He didn't, He still wants you to become the next Billy Graham but it wasn't the time yet, We didn't wait upon the Lord and wait for our Leaders command to move forward.

I know you will never see a man on the front lines waiting to fight in battle start marching out there alone because he was too impatient to wait for the Captain's command! He'd probably regret that decision in a few minutes when he is dead! NOT saying you are going to die or anything! Just using this as an example. 

It's hard, It's very hard. Decisions are not easy. In the end, just lean on the Lord, He won't let you down, even when it seems He is silent and unresponsive. He ALWAYS has an answer to your prayers.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Blessed and Amazed

This past Sunday was so amazing. Again I was blessed to be a part of the worship team, and to add to the mix it happened to be baptism Sunday! Those, in my opinion are the best services! My church, (Cedar Valley Church) has a way of making baptism's so worshipful, and celebrative. It's hard to describe really but the way they baptize people makes you just want to praise and shout out to God in thanks and awe!

What we do is, we have the tank in the loft in front of everyone. We have everyone stand up in a line and they can say a few words. Afterwards they go in the back and get ready to get baptized while the church starts their worship time. The greatest thing, is while the church is worshiping and still getting over the fresh testimonies just mentioned, they are getting baptized as they sing to God! We have a traditional song that we sing for all baptism services and it never fails to make us weak at the knee's and praise God. The song is "This is How we Overcome" You might recognize it this way, here's part of the chorus:

"You have turned
My mourning into dancing!
You have turned
My sorrow into joy!"

Most people don't have this part in but there is a bridge that tags along that makes the baptism's so powerful:

"This is how we overcome, This is how we overcome!"

And they repeat that several times! I love it! As people are come back up from the water, the whole church explodes in cheers and clapping. You just can't help but smile and jump for joy!

For me this Sunday was even more special, because the last time we had a baptismal service, I was baptized. I know how important it is and the memories are fresh in my mind. It was such a privilege to be able to stand up there giving thanks to God with all my heart while amazing people where taking their stand of faith saying, "I believe!" behind me! I felt the presence of God so strong that morning it was unbelievable. I can assure you, all Glory was given to God that Sunday. He deserves all of our praise.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Fear and Deceit

Fear is such a powerful thing. At this point in my life I've come across decisions that are just so hard to figure out which one is best for me. I rely on the Lord but sometimes it feels as though the answers aren't going to come. Sometimes you are just standing there alone (even though I know I am not alone). When it comes to those moments where God seems silent, what do we do? In this instance, Fear overpowers you because you freak out about the decision at hand and have absolutely no clue as to which possibility is the correct one.

I was told at Mercy that sometimes God lets us choose and He'll let you know if you made the correct or incorrect choice. I think I am living out that statement right now. It's surprising to me the deceitful tactics the devil will pull on you just to get you in the wrong. Even though I know that the devil is going to try anything and everything to get us away from true happiness with Jesus but sometimes it seems his way of tricking us just get lower and lower on the totem pole! This last one is a shocker to me but it probably shouldn't be.

Faced with the decision in front of me, I shook uncontrollably and felt sick to my stomach last night that I couldn't sleep. I was praying and praying to God trying to sort all this out. Eventually I repeated comforting verses to my self out loud to calm me. Most were from my God's Creative Power (GCP) from Mercy Ministries. I was surprised I still had some of those memorized after it being month's since I've visited that technique.

In the end, I am just so thankful that God is there even at midnight when everyone else is sleeping. I am just so thankful that I can call out to Him when no one else is available. Although I still do not have the answers to my dilemma, or yet fully understand all that is going on I do know this, God is still GOD and one who loves me so much, and He is BIGGER than any problem I will ever face.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

First Sunday of Worship Team

I have been so blessed to be able to take part in the tremendous tremendous opportunity  of being a part of the worship team at my church.  So blessed! I am loving every moment of it.  God totally gave me this opportunity even when I totally messed up on the auditions! 

Last Sunday was my first experience being on the worship team.  It's so nice to be able to use the gift God has given me.  What I love most about it is that I get to enjoy both services! So I get the benefit of singing old worship songs and hymns during the first service (which I really miss sometimes!), and enjoy contemporary worship with today's songs during the second service. 

It's definitely a learning experience as worshiping by yourself when no one is watching is entirely different then worshiping on a stage in front of everyone!  I was fighting the battle in my head about how to worship which in turn made it harder to worship! I was able to just let go and give it to God, thankfully! Needless to say I have a God who's going to help me. He got me on the worship team and I'll bet he's going to help me be a worshiper on the worship team a well! *wink*  : )

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Faithful God

These past few weeks have been a tough one, mainly because of financial reasons.  I've been able to keep steady since I have been out of Mercy Ministries but all my bills seemed to come at once and it left me with hardly any money.  I've not been as worried as I thought I would be surprisingly!

I'm not going to go and shower you with details but needless to say even when I had hardly any money, I gave it to God and said, "I'll trust you Lord! God I have no money for gas to get to work and my tank is empty, please Lord help me during this time." 

You know what? I made it! Miraculously! I was able to pump out some money for gas, miraculously I was able to eat my three meals a day.  GOD WILL PROVIDE!! He knows what His children needs! Even if you have to be poor for a few weeks (and worse for some people) Through all this, God will not let you down.  God is so faithful! I just want to thank Him all my days for all He has done!

I Want to Leave a Legacy

With all the things in the news today regarding the Gosselins, the "Balloon Boy" family, and many other things, I can't help but wonder, what made them snap? Why is being known and famous, even if it is in the negative spotlight, so important to people? They are definitely leaving a legacy but not the kind of legacy I would want to leave behind. When these people pass away they are only going to be known for "the most public and brutal divorce" or "Lied about son drifting away in a balloon so he could get on a reality TV show" Who would want to be known for that?

What we do here on earth is so very important, regardless of our spiritual background or lack there of, or level of education, or anything else the differentiates us. Our time here is very limited, although it may seem like an eternity being on earth for 80 years (give or take a few) or so but it's really not. I used to have a T-shirt that said, "Live your life so the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral" It's funny! but yet oddly true! We often times don't even think about that!

Our life here on earth has such an importance. We are role-models to other individuals that are all around us. Regardless of who you know or who you don't know, you ARE being watched. I know that sounds creepy but people are always looking at other people to see how they run their life, especially in the growing adolescence stage when anything someone does is crucial to how that child matures.

I do realize that often times the bad sticks way out and is way more interesting then the good. You hardly see much people noted for the good life they've led. But in the end that doesn't matter, It's who've you've touched while you were alive that matters! People are hurting, people are suffering, people need any kind of kindness they can get! Why put salt on their wound? If you want to be known for being selfish, be the kind of selfish that thinks, "I want to help people because it makes me feel better!" Haha! The benefits far outweigh the negative!

I just encourage everyone reading this portion of the blog to just think about the kind of legacy you are leaving behind? What are you going to be known for? Are you satisfied with that? Be all you can be! because God said He created you to be GREAT! And we all know, God's words do NOT return void!

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Day After Tomorrow

I just watched a great movie this past weekend. It's called The Day After Tomorrow starring Dennis Quaid. While I was watching the movie I noticed a very good revelation!

In the movie, ... "Spoiler alert! If you haven't watched the movie I highly suggest you watch it and then read this :) I might give it away." ... The main character is Jack Hall (Dennis Quaid) who is a climatologist who works for the government. With this type of job, Jack tours the world researching different climates. His latest adventure was observing the Glaciers in Antarctica. A downside to having this sort of job, Jack is away from his wife and son for months at a time. Jack's son, Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal) as a result was very bitter towards his father.

During this movie, global warming finally has caught up with us and the climate is trying to readjust its self by creating a series of massive storms; the major storm being a hurricane like blizzard dropping 15 feet of snow and a typhoon of water from the melting glaciers flooding New York. If people tried to go outside to escape it, they would more than likely die.  Sam Hall happened to be caught in the middle of the storm/flood in New York and had little hopes of surviving. Jack decided to go after his son to try to rescue him. He end's up walking a hefty way through the storm for days.

There was one part that got me. During Jack's travel to New York on foot to save his son, he was having a conversation with his friend (who went with him) saying how he regrets not being there for his son and wishes he could go back to correct his mistakes he made with his son. He has a total change of heart during this movie and now wants to do anything he can to salvage his relationship with Sam. In the end, Jack does make it to his son and was able to send for back up to pick them up once the storm subsided. I was thinking about that moment as Jack was regretting his past mistakes with his son and it came to me, that through Jack's mistakes he was able to have the experience of being a climatologist and knew how to travel on foot through storms. Because of this experience he was able to save his son in the end. In other words: Jack, if he had spent time more time with Sam while he was growing up, probably would not have been able to have the job he had, so therefore he would have lacked the experience to save his son during his most perilous moment.

It's so amazing that God can use our mistakes and turn them around for good.  This is true in real life. God does do this for us! In our lives, everyone has mistakes or past addictions that they are ashamed of.  Don't Be! Use your past to make your future even better! Use your past to help people! With out your past, you would not be who you are today.  Who knows the kind of things God can do with your past! And with God's unlimited amount of connections, He can do an unlimited amount of amazing things from your past! Embrace who you are and who God has made you.  Don't be afraid of your past, use it to change the world!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Day in a Life...

I find myself more tired and tired these days. But I can not say I don't like it. :) Since I have been back from Mercy Ministries, One of my main objectives was to get more involved and not be so bored at home where temptation easily comes. Well, I jumped right in to anything that I thought I would enjoy. I am absolutely loving it. I didn't even really have to jump in on some of the things. The opportunity just arrived at my door step. I thank God for those! As a result my body is now trying to adjust.

You see, before Mercy I was a very lonely depressed girl. I often would just go to work, go home and sit around watching movies, and stuffing my self full of food. Every day it was the same routine. I was always too afraid to join in on activities fearing that people would think ill of me because I was overweight. I was always afraid that people wouldn't accept me or I would mess up royally and they would all just give me a look of disapproval and reject me. It got so bad that even if I was eating my sandwich for supper (like a normal person would do) and someone walked by I would hide it quick so that people wouldn't see me eating. I just knew if someone saw me eating that they would think, "Oh there's that fat girl stuffing her face again, Geez! Does she ever stop eating?!" Trapped! is what I was! Trapped in my own fear. Oh Boy!!! Am I glad I am out of that rut! Typing this just gives me a reminder of how far God has gotten me. THANK YOU LORD!!! Anyways... back to my story. Well, After Mercy, totally opposite. It's truly amazing how God has changed me. I am hardly ever home, I don't live based on what people think of me. Albeit the thoughts pop up every so often but through God I can overcome them. They are less frequent and less influencing. I am bought and paid for by the Blood of Jesus Christ. AMEN! It's about time I start living in that freedom!

So coming from doing absolutely nothing to having a full schedule, my body is just like... "what's in the world is going on?" But it will adjust. Our bodies are made to. :) Don't get me wrong it's not like every minute of the day is taken. I am definitely allowing some relaxing time. It's usually on Saturdays. I've learned it's also not healthy to be a highly stressed volcano living off Caffeine to get through the day! Haha! The only time I drink coffee is to keep warm because well... I live in Minnesota and its FREEZING COLD right now. My poor fingers are usually tinted purple. I think it's time to invest in gloves, don't you think?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


The meaning of this drawing is very significant to me. This is only a part of the actual drawing but I wanted you to see the details: the hole in His hand, the look on His face, the grasping of the girls hand. I love this drawing because it reminds me everyday that God is there. I love it because when I am in my deepest turmoil through out the day I can look at this drawing and see that God is there for me to comfort me, hug me, cry with me in my deepest need.

I got the inspiration one day to draw this during a worship time at Mercy Ministries that was normally not in our schedule. We had the room dark with a CD playing in the background with beautiful worship songs. I am one of those people where I can tend to loose focus after a bit but I had stayed in that room for a while. We had the option of leaving whenever we wanted. I was just trying my hardest to praise God and thank Him for everything he had done. I wanted to make sure that I would not waste this time we have been given to worship our Heavenly Father. This image popped in my head. It stayed there for a while. I knew immediately that I needed to draw it. So I spent the next time I had available and drew it. I am not sure if it has comforted anyone as much as it has comforted me but every time I look at this picture I just feel His love. I am one of those people who yearns for God to hug me physically. I know I won't be able to get that till I get to heaven and this has just given me what I need till then.

I just want you to focus on Jesus’ face. If the picture is grainy it may be hard to tell but Jesus has the slightest hint of a smile on His face. This also give's me great comfort because I know that God LOVES to be there for us! Or better yet, He LOVES US! He loves me! He loves you! I can tell you that God thoroughly enjoys every moment He gets with us, He enjoys it when we come to Him at our weakest of moments and rest in His almighty presence. The kind of presence that can make everything better, the kind of presences that comforts.

Friday, October 9, 2009

"I don't know who God is anymore!"

Recently in the past few weeks, I've talked with a few people who have just lost touch with God. It makes me so sad for them to tell you the truth. I feel just like I want to shake their shoulders and point upwards shouting, "There's so much more!! He wants you more than you could ever imagine!" I've fallen into that trap for 21 one long strenuous years. It wasn't until I went to Mercy Ministries that my eyes were opened to this new relationship with Jesus. I mean, I have always known we need to receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior, Pray the sinner's prayer. I've prayed, I've cried to him, I was definitely Born-Again but I wasn't living it to the extent that it could be. Mercy Ministries showed me just a fraction of what my life could be like but even that fraction was so much more than I could have ever fathomed! I failed to see the little things in life that God is doing for me, I failed to walk in the authority that Jesus has given me, and I failed to use His most precious gift that Jesus died for me to have! His Holy Spirit, His very presence. God is so much more than a prayer a night keeps me in the right.

I recently went to a conference where the speaker used this illustration that totally just spoke out to me. She said, "Imagine a father with his son, the boy has to go to the bathroom so bad but there was no where for him to go. The only place available was this bar full of people using foul language, prostitution expressions and pictures scribbled all over the walls and in the stalls. The father took his hands and placed them on both sides of his little boys face and said, 'Just look at me son, Just keep your eyes on me, it's going to be alright'" My heart was just overflowing with love knowing that that is exactly what my Father God is doing for me. Our Lord doesn't just want to be the "Big man upstairs"; He wants to be our Father, our best friend. If you notice a couple of girls who have been best friends since childhood, they don't just talk once in a week, or call their number only when they absolutely need the other person. No, they are calling each other, talking with each other, laughing with each other, hanging out with each other most of the time!

Since I have been back God has really been my best friend. He's helped me so much and got rid of my fears for me! I still have some left but we are working on them together. Just the little things I've seemed to get so excited about. It's really hard to explain but I challenge you to just start talking with God more through out the day, just tell them what’s going on (even though He already knows, but He loves it when we talk to Him) You wouldn't believe how happy He is when He gets that time with us, His children. It not only makes Him happy but He makes you happy as well! I just want you to realize that you are not meant to live in bondage or depression or fear or anything of a sort! We are not meant to just live day by day and say to ourselves when we lay our heads upon the pillow, "Well, I guess this is how life is, I better just deal with it." When you get closer to God and begin that relationship with Him, I can tell you, you will be thinking, "Oh wow! I can't wait for tomorrow to see what He has in store for me!"

Fast Forward 3 Years!

Wait... Is it really you? Yes, my friends and followers. It is me. I am back.  I have been continually reminded about my blog I used to upda...