Friday, December 18, 2009

A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That

Well you've got me at 3:06 on a Friday afternoon the week before Christmas.  Yes, you've guessed correctly.  I am bored.  So what do I do to kill time? write in my blog!! You're following along very nicely! good job! :) haha!

Anyways. So I am racking my brain trying to figure out something to write about but sadly nothing is coming to mind.  :( Well something will come eventually.  I might just have to ramble on and on for a few minutes before something comes to me....

Hey! It worked!

Change. I want to talk about change.  I think so often times in life, we get caught up in this pattern.  A pattern where everyday is the same thing, you wake up, get to work or school, eat your 3 meals a day, go home, you start recogonizing the same vehicles on your commute, do some evening activities like church, go to bed and start the day all over again.  I think that sounds very...mechanical. I know there are those that are quite afraid of change, you never know what to expect.  But for me it's a different story.  I yearn for change.  I used to be the type of girl where my body would get so tired sleeping in the same position in my room, that I would actually lay there for hours wide awake until I finally got up and flipped my bed around.  Within minutes, I'd be sleeping soundly.  I haven't seen it so much lately, maybe that's because I change my room around so often as it is and I am just ahead of the game. 

I see change in two ways, the good change, and there is bad change.  Bad change obviously is not good for you, things that are often times out of your control and harmful to you.  But I see a lot of good change in our daily lives.  I think what has been happening to me these past few weeks; I was getting so bored because I was seeing hardly any good change in my life.  It seemed like God was distant, I wasn't learning anything, I got caught up in the same daily routine, I wasn't taking really any steps to want to learn something either.  I wasn't reading my bible, I wasn't praying as much, I was starting face more temptation.  I quickly was noticing my old self starting to pop up in me.  (bad change!!) Well I'm not out of the woods yet, I've read my bible once but that isn't going to cut it.  I have to be continuous. 

I was at PTO (Church Life Group) last night and a few of us girls stayed behind to talk about some girl stuff.  My friend was telling a story of something that recently has been happening in her life.  I was so excited for what God has been doing in her life.  Her story is amazing! I also started to feel a tad bit sad, mainly for me, because I realized how I was yearning for God to be working on my life as well.  You don't realize what your missing till its gone! It's so true! I was also admiring her for being so open to her mentors as well.  She's a very smart gal! She has a few Christian mentors to talk to when she really needs help with something.  I noticed I don't really have that as well.  I have an accountability partner but I haven't been keeping in touch with her recently.  So there I go back to stuffing things inside again.  I have no outlet, just inlets :) That right there is a major part to why my past has been starting to creep up on me. 

Listening to her story also made me realize that I tend to push God away.  I guess I put my trust in the wrong things and don' trust the things I should be trusting.  I get so caught up in God for a while and things are going well, but then I must get scared or something, and I start to retreat.  I fail to remember that God IS perfect! He can't do anything wrong! It's not possible for Him sin.  So why don't I trust him?

So there you have it, I'm just an ordinary girl with ordinary problems.  I'm not perfect, I have faults.  But I must keep trying.  Freedom comes with a cost. Dying to yourself is the only way to gain the ultimate freedom.  Everyday I have to give up what I want, and take what God wants because, He actually knows what I need and wants that for me. 

I think I may have strayed away from the change subject....Sorry about that! ANYway! :)

I think that about wraps it up for me at the moment.  I'm sure I'll get bored again and write more. 

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