Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tank is on "E"

Lately, with the whole traffic congestion (previous blog) halting life events, I have to say life has been really tough, more-so boring. It's made me think, I'll give it that! Thoughts of comparison between my life now and the life I had at Mercy Ministries, or thoughts to decide what is holding me back at this moment, thoughts of how to move forward and get past this stage. I've found a few thoughts that I think are worth the effort of trying to see if they'll work. :)

I think now, I've gotten a tad lazy. I can definitely use the excuse that I have been sick this whole past week and a half. That will at least take care of a part of lazy tendencies these past few weeks :) But the other parts are definitely at the 100% fault of me. I haven't worked out in a little while, and I haven't read my bible in a while, I haven't really deeply prayed to God in a while, etc... you get the point. Through out this "leisure" time, I've noticed fighting the spiritual battle against my own flesh is more and more a tiring effort-filled motion. It's getting harder and taking a lot out of me. Again, this is entirely at the fault of me. I think a lot of times I just want to be a Christian and not take on the Christian responsibilities of the day-to-day life. How does that work??? well... In all honesty, it DOESN'T. I need my fill up of God in order to get through the day, in order to learn all that He has to teach me.

I see the analogy of my own personal tank of gas that needs to be kept full at all times. If it doesn't get filled with God, than it will get filled with something else. I.E. Laziness, craving's, past addictions, nervousness, stress, impatience and all that stuff. Well with the less and less of God I receive the more and more ungodly things I fill up on. It's kind of funny because as I am typing this out I am actually sorting out my thoughts! Now hopefully I can muster up the little bit of strength I have left and read my BIBLE! Augh... wow that seems like so much effort it's not even funny. But I know I have to do it. With out the life of God's words flowing through me, I will quickly see myself fall more and more into my past that I have been trying to get away from.

"Lord God, Please give me the strength I need!"

Well, I'm going to try this out! I'll write back to determine my progress! I'm so ready to get out of this plateau stage!

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