Wednesday, February 24, 2010

It's Possible?

I've just realized walking in the door to work today that I will be 23 in June.  Which means, I can officially try to go to college next year! I'll finally be 24! This is good because when you are 24, you are declared independent and do not need your parents financial information on your FAFSA.  This is even better because you are given a lot more grant's and loans from the FAFSA. 

For those of you who may not know, I've been trying to get to College since I was 18.  I am unable to obtain a cosigner and in this economy, no loan lender is willing to provide you loan services without a cosigner.  When I turn 24 and fill out my FAFSA the first available day I can, I may not need a personal loan and my troubles will be gone!

It's going to be a little awkward I admit, being a 24 year old freshman when everyone else is 18.  But it should create a nice turn of events being older than everyone when normally I am the youngest.  

Maybe I am holding onto something I want so dearly for too long to be trying to go to College for 5+ years and not being able to go.  Maybe I should just take the hint that God doesn't think that is part of my future and I should look else ware.  Maybe it is? But Maybe just maybe the golden opportunity is next year?

I figure, if it's not meant to be... again ...when I am 24, College is just not going to work.  I'll finally give up then.  For now, I am going to pray for God's guidance in this situation.  If he really doesn't think I should go, I'm sure He'll let me know like He's done in the past.  I'll be listening, and I'll obey, which ever the answer, regardless of how much I may want it.

Psalm 55:22 "Give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of you.  He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."  

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Money, Money, Money.... it just complicates everything.  Right now I am trying to figure out what to do with my Tax Refund that I just got today.  I have been living with out for a while so there are so much things I really need.  This complicates things because I would love nothing more than to go shopping right now for all those items but it would take all of the refund to do so.  But I also am trying out this new budget thing in hopes of acquiring a decent amount in savings, so I also would love nothing more than to just throw it all in savings.  I've decided to do both but now I have to figure out which items I'll will take off my list so that I can actually accomplish the task of putting some in my savings.  Oooooh what to do?!?!?! :)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Racking My Brain

to find out what I want to write today and.....I've got nothing :)


Have a good week!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I was reading an article on how Michelle Obama is launching a campaign to lower childhood obesity.  This is a very touchy subject. There was some proof that Michelle Obama (or was it Barak?) called their daughter Malia "chubby" at one point. This was one of the reason she wanted to launch this campaign. I looked at Malia's picture and she is skinny! But who's to know that she wasn't a little heavier at that point? I can't question Michelle's motives for this campaign because I do not know her. I hope she has the correct motives behind this.

Anyways, I was reading some of the comments left under the article and I am just hurt by some peoples opinions.  It just really urkes me that people can be so critical.  A couple comments were along the lines, "I agree with Michelle, NO FAT CHICKS!!!!" or, "fat people suck."

I mean, seriously? What is their problem? I admit being "fat" is not the greatest sight to see but they have no idea how hard it is! This obesity is just like any other addiction out there.  Being addicted to drugs, drinking, sex, shopping, money, is just as hard as being addicted to food.  The only differences are the consequences. 

I just wish people could stand in "fat" people's shoes for just on day.  I wish they could feel the overwhelming persistency of those temptations we feel, I wish they could the feel the constant pressure to be thin,  I wish they could feel how it feels when someone calls you fat, or how it feels to know that how we look is what the world classifies as "UGLY".   We have feelings too! We are people too!

This is just another stupid tactic by the devil to try and hurt us, to pinpoint ones problem and make us so offended that we retreat and go the very problem we are trying to overcome.  You know what? It's not going to work! I finally found the verse yesterday that I have been looking for for a long time.

"The King is enthralled with your beauty..." Psalm 45:11.

Here is a definition of the word, enthrall and captivate as defined on
ENTHRALL–verb (used with object)
1. to captivate or charm
2. to put or hold in slavery; subjugate: to be enthralled by

CAPTIVATE–verb (used with object),
1. to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant: Her blue eyes and red hair captivated him.
2. Obsolete. to capture; subjugate.

Whatever this stupid world may say is NOT going to deter me from what I know is truth.  I AM BEAUTIFUL by decree of the most high GOD who is captivated by my beauty.  I'm sorry to all those who think "fat people suck" but your wrong, God does not make crappy things.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Encouraging Words

A little while a go I went to a woman's conference in Alexandria, MN.  They had this awesome idea to have baskets of bible verses located randomly throughout the place.  People can just go and pick a verse out of the basket whenever they want. I'll never forget the first one I picked up. 

"A message from the high and towering God, who lives in Eternity, whose name is Holy: 'I live in the high and holy places, but also with the low-spirited, the spirit-crushed, and what I do is put a new spirit in them, get them up and on their feet again.'" Isaiah 57:15

Well after that, It was like eating candy, I picked up a few more! Here are the others I picked up over the weekend...

"I will praise your name, O LORD, for it is good.  For He has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes." Psalm 54:6-7

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"Give you burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you.  He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." Psalm 55:22

"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh.  Is there anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27

These verses are amazing and have come in great use since this conference.  Maybe someday I can memorize them! :)

Friday, February 5, 2010


It's amazing how women just have that knack of feeling inferior to others. Yesterday at my life group we talked about the book, The Uncommon Woman by Susie Larson. With the group discussion, a lot of things were talked about. We talked about how woman can strive on what others think, live and make decisions based on others opinions of you. It's amazing how those exact feeling were the feelings I was feeling last night. I was overwhelmed with the thinking I was inferior to these ladies. They have so much creative insight, so much going for them, passion, a yearning to know God. I kept thinking how I was none of that. It was lie of course. Devil was preying on me last night, big time. I have to admit I believed that stupid idiot! It wasn't till I started driving home when I took comfort in my Daddy of all daddy's! I just kept saying how I am so tired of this refining process, it hurts. My heart is hurting. I wish He could snap his fingers and make everything better. I guess the real thing I should be praying is discernment between what God is saying to me and what the devil is saying to me!

I am so thankful for these ladies that were in that group last night. They are all very inspiring to me, and show me who I can be in a few years after this stage of life has been overcome. I am so thankful that I have friends now. Confining in someone is really really extremely helpful to the point beyond words. It has shown me what I have been missing. I think all this stuff is coming out in preparation to the possibility of joining in the Prayer Counseling ministry through my church. I have a lot going on in my brain right now. So much emotions with no drawers to organize them. They are bouncing around in my head like rubber bouncy balls with energizer batteries. Every once in a while they hit a sore spot. Even though I spent 6 months of my life at Mercy sifting through these emotions, I have a lifetime of emotions I have yet to deal with. 6 months only makes a dent. Counseling is not a bad word. It's help. I still need it. I know God's been pointing me in the counseling direction. I've seen so many "Godly confirmations" as my accountability partner says. :)

I can't wait. I really can't. I am so ready to get my emotions organized, its not even funny. I AM a great girl. I AM important, I AM loved by the King, I AM who God has delicately made me to be. I have NO reason to feel inferior to anyone.

I think it's time to brush the dust of my GCP (God's Creative Power) book and whip out them verses. I need the life of those bible verses to be spoken over me again. This is WAR.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Social Networking

My work doesn't supply enough work for me to keep busy through out the day so I often fiddled around on Facbook to keep me occupied. Sadly enough, my work has just enforced new blocking techniques and any way of getting on Facebook has now been blocked. :( It's so sad... I'm so bored. I tried getting onto one of my friends blogs and that was also blocked to.  I really pray this site doesn't get blocked as well otherwise I would hardly ever be able to update it!

Hmmm... what to do, what to do......

*twiddles thumbs*

*big yawn*

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Declaration of Broken Fears

Through the midst of these trials that I am facing right now, I have noticed a few things.  In actuality I have started noticing them after Mercy.  God has been completely freeing me from petty fears.  Maybe it's a start to get rid of my bigger fears.  Although I am not completely sure what some of those are at the moment. 

I've decided to today that I am going to declare myself free of those petty fears. 

1: I am free from the fear of passing semi's on the road!
2: I am free from the fear of driving around curves!
3: I am free from the fear of falling down the stairs!
4: I am free from the fear of driving in the winter!

Wow a lot of driving fears? Never noticed that before.  Those are all I can think of right now. 

I am really excited that those have been broken.  It's so nice to be able to run down the stairs again with out grabbing for my life on both handrails.  It's so nice to be able to drive in the winter with a sense of calmness verses uptight, nervous, hands on 10 and 2 type driving.  It's so nice to be able to pass semi's without the fear of them not seeing me, changing lanes and crushing me.  It's so nice to be able to drive around curves with ease instead of fearing my car will tip over. It's so nice to have a big BIG God who cares so much about me to remove these petty minuscule things from my life.   And most of all, it's so nice to have noticed that these are gone so I can praise Jesus for the freedom I have received!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Fast Forward 3 Years!

Wait... Is it really you? Yes, my friends and followers. It is me. I am back.  I have been continually reminded about my blog I used to upda...