Thursday, April 14, 2011

Past The Point Of No Return

The final threshold! You've got to love a little Phantom of the Opera ringing in your head.  A little side note, I think quite possibly the best music I have ever known is performed in that play. Beyond that, I do have a point!

Past the point of no return, that is where I am at right now.  I think with all the success God has given me these past 2 and a half months with my eating, breaking free from pride, joining the choir again, and ultimately drawing closer than I have ever been with God, this is definitely the point of no return.  Just these past 2 days I was a little fearful and started thinking what if I am going back to who I was? What if this is just another fluke freedom example where the walls are going to come crashing down at any moment? I started feeling guilty for eating and having those gross and unexplainable emotions overcome me after I ate, feelings of loosing control.  As I was driving to Choir I thought, "This is it! This is where I have to choose where my life is going.  I have been happier in these past 2 and a half months than I have ever been, I love God so much!  This is where I have to choose God over my wants, over my (past) loves!" 

God has severely helped me through these tremendous 2 and a half months.  It almost seemed "Easy" to make this transition into The Maker's Diet and give up all of my known and horrible food familiarities.  But God can't just run my life for me, He wants me to choose.  I chose when I started this lifestyle, and now I have to choose again to keep it.  It was here where I felt, "Kelley, do you want to stay here, be happy with Me, and continue this lifestyle? Or, do you want give it all up to go back to a life of guilt, insecurities, and be with your food that will never make you happy?" .... After hardly even any thought I said, "I WANT YOU, GOD!" 

Needless to say, after successfully talking it over with Jesus, those old feelings that once crept up on me are gone.  I am back to feeling joyful again, in a place better than anything else, walking side by side with my Jesus, ready to conquer.  I'm past the point of no return.

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