Thursday, July 21, 2011

I'll Do This My Way

It seems, God has a sense of humor.  I never quite really knew how much my last post has opened up a door for me.  It seems control was a bigger factor in my life than I thought.  My dearest friend decided to tell me the truth the other day by telling me her thoughts about the subject and how they apply to me.  As a patron of honesty, I must add this little insert, don't EVER hesitate to be honest with your friends.  I can assure you honesty, is more than likely what they are craving.  From my point of view, honesty is how I know if someone is my true friend.  -- Okay, I'm back.  :)

Ever since my friend decided to tell me the truth about how she feels control is a big part of my life, It was like a ton of bricks being laid on me. All of a sudden, everything clicked and made sense.  I can see evidence of it in a lot of area's in my life.  Somehow growing up I felt the need to control as much things as I could.  A couple examples of this, I can't stand it when people ask me to do things, I usually would procrastinate until I wanted to do them or I ran out of time.  When someone is doing something, and they are too slow or can't figure it out, I so want to jump in and take over.  I have to tell myself to just let them figure it out so I don't swipe it from their hands.  I have a need to have things all planned out, I don't work on a whim. It's rather amazing all the examples I could list, but my point is proven.  I love control.  Quite frankly, As Christians we aren't supposed to have control, because God needs it.  From realizing how my life as turned out, it's evident that wanting to control my situations around me hasn't worked.  I don't know my future, and I don't know what's best for me, so what makes me think that I should be in the driver's seat of my life?

I feel as though this is a vital step towards my healing process and freedom is now a foreseeable distant light in my view.  Even though the whole thing is rather overwhelming in realizing how long of a journey I still have, and that I have 1 more thing added to my tantalizing long list of things to work on, but somehow I feel I have crossed a major threshold.  

In conclusion, I leave you with this verse.  HOLD ON, God will come and save you.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

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