Thursday, May 31, 2012

Roads & Reminiscing

The battlefield of mind, the constant feud between good and evil.  The little angel on your left persuading you with tough truths, and the little devil on your right flinging enticing lies.  It's moments like these where I have to remember who I once was, who I am today, and the difference between the two.  Sometimes the doubts overwhelm me and I start to think I haven't changed for the better.  I'm worse then when I started.  But, who was I 5 years ago compared to who I am right now?

5 years ago, I was lost.  A desperate soul looking for love, friends, a sense of worth and anyone to notice me.  My pride got the better of me, my addictions were raging, and I had no opinions of my own for fear that they would be shot down in rejection.  I stuffed myself full of food because that was the best friend I had.

Who am I today? Well, I know who I am.  I am... a person.  No longer lonely with too many opinions to count.  I have some pride, but most of it was shot down a couple years ago.  My addiction is still there and very hard to shake, and yet somehow I feel even though I still mingle in it, I've accomplished way more in my addiction than I ever had 5 years ago.  I have learned so much.  I learned my value, that I am talented in more ways than just singing, that I am smart even though I always thought I was stupid, and I am actually really pretty.  Best of all, I found a best friend.  However silly it may sound but I have never met someone as amazing as the God I know.  I miss Him if I stray away for too long, and He is always there when I need Him.  He cries with me, laughs with me, leads me, tells me the truth, and even waits patiently for me to return when I walk down the wrong path.  Not only that He gave me a bunch of friends to help when the road gets tough.

When the days my guilt of not having been further along in my healing overwhelm me, I need to take a step back and realize how far I have actually come.   Maybe even read this blog entry for encouragement.   It's easy to look at the now and see I have a long road ahead of me, but what about the road I have already traveled? It's worth something? That it is, that road made me the person who I am today.  Quite frankly, I like where that road is heading.

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